Sisters

My sister and I first met nine years ago.  Half-sisters, technically.  Just two of the numerous offspring scattered around Europe by a father who was – it would appear – irresistible to women.

V. and I studied each-other across the table of a bistrot off Regent Street.  She appeared to me a down-to-earth, non-nonsense Lancashire woman who had inherited our father’s aloof expression and tight jaw.  Seven years my senior, she held two degrees, one in Philosophy and one in Psychology, and responded to my spontaneous speak-now-think-later comments with pondered rationale.  She listened to the summary of my bitty life and patchwork career, thus far, with what I took to be a blend of disbelief and disapproval.  I sat there, hoping she would not order dessert.

“Shall we meet again?” she asked.

 *   *   *

V. and I sit in a café in Notting Hill.  She talks about her children, her husband, her job.  A lifestyle light years away from my own.  A background alien to me.  In between forkfuls of fried egg and chips, I tell her about translating, teaching and the latest installment of my personal life.

Afterwards, we stroll down past the charity shops and browse through second-hand books.  I pick one out for her.  A Scandinavian thriller.  I know she will enjoy it because I will not.  I do not bother waxing lyrical about Salley Vickers’s Miss Garnet’s Angel.  We stop at the cinema and pick up a programme but cannot agree on a film.  We have not been able to, these past nine years.

*   *   *

V. is sitting on my bed, leaning back against the headboard.  She is wearing bright-coloured socks.  Odd socks.  I am lying on my side, propped up on my elbow, at the foot of the bed.  The light is fading outside my windows and I have arranged as many candles as I could find around my room.  Perhaps it is their warm glow that makes us speak in soft voices.  We dip pieces of orange in a bowl of melted chocolate and walnuts in the middle of the bed.  I get up to blow on and rekindle the red hot coal disk at the bottom of my small copper cauldron, and the frankincense crystals start sizzling again.  A swirl of smoke rises up and spreads across the air.  We both love the comforting scent of frankincense.  From my portable CD player soar the gentle vocal tones of Guillaume de Machaut, Josquin Desprez and Guillaume Dufay.  We both love Early music.  Harmonies to fit mathematically in the gothic vaults of Mediaeval cathedrals.  V. is an atheist, I am a believer, but the music touches us both deeply in a place were we connect.

We talk of fears.  No one we know understands our fears like V. does mine and I, hers.  No one else has been through what we have gone through in our early childhood, though countries apart, and which has left the same indelible marks in parts of our soul no one can see.  Only she and I fully understand that particular kind of overwhelming longing for happiness, but also the sabotaging urge which springs from doubt.  And we can reveal those wounds only to each-other, because only with each-other do we feel safe to show our vulnerability.  And so, as we do, each holds up a shield to protect her sister from the world.

We talk of plans and achievements candidly, without fear of undermining or envy.  Each one knows the other will bring all the bricks and tools and work she can, to help her sister.

Once we stumbled.  One of us was happy, the other unhappy.  One flying high in the sunlight, the other toiling in the shadows at the foot of a mountain.  And envy slithered into the heart of the latter but she showed great courage.  She went to her sister and revealed her feelings of envy.  The happy sister accepted the revelation like a precious gift.  Together, they went to the river, and washed the envy with the water of understanding and forgiveness, and resumed their journey, holding hands that little bit tighter.

I push the bowl of melted chocolate and the plate of orange pieces closer to V. and tell her of something that occupies much of my heart and mind.  Something which may change my future, only I dare not hope.  I dare not believe.

V. looks at the chocolate but cannot eat anymore.  “I think you should believe in this,” she says.  “I really believe it will work out.”

Then she smiles at me and her eyes twinkle.  They have grey and blue in them.  Mine have brown and yellow.  But we both have the same green flecks.

 Scribe Doll

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No Post Today

Really, really sorry.  Just too much work.

Next week, for sure.

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Poetry?

I don’t like poetry.  There.  I’ve said it.  Go ahead and tell me that’s as bad as not liking children or animals – or art.  Well, I like most children. I love animals. As for art, I like it – as long as it’s Art – and not an attempt to make lots of money by the deliberate act of shocking.

Perhaps I started with too sweeping a statement.  I do like some poetry.  My idol of the genre is Alexander Pushkin.  His poetry is akin to music.  It skips, tumbles and glistens like a brook in the sunlight.  It is positively effervescent.  I love the mathematical verses of Ronsard, Racine and, especially, Corneille.  I enjoy the sensuality of Petrarca and Veronica Franco, and the wit of Trilussa.  I have a soft spot for Rupert Brooke, though I get the impression that admitting to this is unfashionable as confessing to liking the music of Frederick Delius and the rest of the cow pat school of English composers.  So sue me.  Of course, I much admire Seamus Heaney and adore Dorothy Parker.  These are only a few of the poets whose work I enjoy.  There are others, but these are the ones who spring to mind on a Sunday afternoon as I am trying to finish this blog post before it gets dark, and the heating comes on in the house.

My chief objection to poetry, as a genre, is that – too often – it is used as an excuse for bad writing.  Words are mis-spelt or mis-used, splodged on the page in apparently random order – presumably to give an impression of originality.  Punctuation is left out – apparently to break free of constrictions.  Grammar is ignored – perhaps in sign of artistic freedom.  If you applaud, transfixed by the result, you are welcomed into the inner sanctum of those who understand.  If, like me, you have the misfortune “not to get it” and – worse – actually say you don’t like it, then you are dismissed as an insensitive, narrow-minded ignoramus.  “Poetry” becomes a shield against criticism.  No prose writer can hide behind such a label.  We have to sit there and take it, and accept the brutal fact that if the reader doesn’t “get it”, then it’s because it’s just written badly.  No.  No excuses.

At the wonderful writers’ group I sometimes attend, when members read out their prose, everyone feels free to comment – no matter how qualified or unqualified they may be to do so.  And that’s fair.  However, if a poem gets read out then, after an awkward silence, most listeners will preamble (yes, I know it’s a noun, but I am exercising the prose writer’s freedom to turn it into a verb) their comments with pussyfooting such as, “I’m sorry, I don’t know enough about poetry”, or “I don’t think I’m qualified to comment”.

Just what gives poetry diplomatic immunity? Let it be stopped and scanned at customs like everyone else.

A couple of my friends are poets.  Live and let live.  Until they said they were performing at a South London pub, on Guy Fawkes’ Night.  There comes a time in every friendship, when you feel that your it’s-the-intention-that-counts credit runs out, and you have to put a drop of actual physical oil on the inner mechanism of your friendship.  In other words, you can no longer get away with “Good luck – let me know how it goes”.  You have to take your posterior over to where they are performing and support them for real.

And so off I trekked to the pub in South London, to the thunder of fireworks.  Fountains of colour exploding against the black sky, then trickling down to the horizon.

I took a front seat – my loyalty might as well be in full view – did my best to plaster a smile over the grumpy owl expression on my face, and prepared to clap.  My friends were announced from the stage.

A. should have been an actor.  Tall and silver-haired, he spread his arms wide, and the entire pub audience fell into them.  He turned up his palms, and inspiration seemed to rain into them.  He recited his poems.  Clever, quirky, subversive, sad, teasing.  A jester unafraid to speak out because he knows who he is.  From  life’s injuries and lessons, he has sewn a cloak embroidered with stars.  He admires them and does not attempt to pull them down from the sky.

C. frowns.  Ash blonde hair against a pale and weary face.  Too young to be weary but then his fair head is much, much older than the shoulders it rests upon.  He is Mercury, skipping at full speed.  His words are full of passion, anger, longing.  Hard words, like a stone circle.  Yet there is a laughing sprite dancing in the middle, leaping over a bonfire.  A grinning imp.

N. stands up.  Her heart-shaped face is framed by a greying blonde mane.  Her voice is lithe, like a girl’s.  From her lips cascade diamonds, pearls, emeralds, sapphires and rubies.    Her words are like gemstones that glisten in the sunlight and the moonlight.  Like a waterfall tapping a tune on the smooth rocks below.  Like fairies flying over flowers.

I clap.  Wholeheartedly.  I smile.  Wholeheartedly.  Afterwards, I praise them.  With all my heart.

I am proud to know them.  There is magic in their poetry and I have fallen under its spell…  at least for one night.

Scribe Doll

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No Post Today

Apologies.

 

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Saint Jude’s Storm

“Some are saying it could be the worst hurricane since 1987,” my friend said to me, yesterday, in response to my blasé attitude.  That’s when I sat up and took notice.  Until that point, I confess, weather warnings and news reports had somehow failed to drive the point home.

I remember October 1987.  I was in Cambridge.  I remember seeing a bicycle swept by the wind a foot off the ground.  The sound of glass milk bottles flying through the air and smashing against brick walls.  The wind howling like a banshee through the skylight of my attic bedroom. The large tree that fell against a wall at Emmanuel College, its branches shattering the windows of an undergraduate’s room.  A couple of days later, I remember the uprooted elm trees lying in the mud of an overflowing Cam, in Grantchester Meadows.

When I woke up this morning, the radio had more weather warnings to convey.  And they had given the hurricane a name – Saint Jude’s Storm.  Saint Jude, which falls on 28th October.  Saint Jude, the patron saint of lost causes.  I looked out of the window at my oak tree, its branches now almost bare, swaying in the wind.  He is the Merlin of trees.  An old storyteller.  This tree also knows my tale.

People are advised, wherever possible, to stay at home, tomorrow morning.  Winds are expected to reach 80 mph.  Some train services have been cancelled.  A meeting I was supposed to attend, has been postponed.

Throughout the day, the winds grew more blustery.  I checked my supply of candles.  I bought some extra food.  Comfort food.  Potatoes, for baking in their jackets.  Garlic, for roasting with olive oil.  A loaf of walnut bread, to slice and spread with orange blossom honey.  A bar of white chocolate and a bottle of ginger – in case the storm keeps me awake tonight.

This time last year, my friend L. sat in his flat in New York, waiting for Hurricane Sandy to sweep by.   He e-mailed me today, and urged me to keep away from my window, if nothing else.  Before I go to bed, I will move my work table, and my laptop, which stand right by my sash windows, further away.  But not yet.  For now, my curtains are still open, and I am monitoring the street.  Earlier on, today’s strong winds suddenly dropped.  Everything was still.  Not a sound, but for the odd car whizzing down the street.  I wondered if it was the proverbial calm before the storm.  Then it started to rain.  A slow pitter-patter on the pavement.  The few leaves on my tree began to glow in the amber street lights.  Now, the rainfall is heavier, drumming in the my window panes, and the leaves on the tree are swaying, stirred by an invisible breath.

Before closing my curtains, I look at Merlin, my oak tree, the old storyteller.  I know I can trust him with my tales.  I know he will keep them safe.

I have so many more stories for him.

So I ask him to stand sturdy tonight.

Scribe Doll

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The Sweet Sound of Pear Wood

It had lain in its case, on top of the CDs, since I moved here last April.  Occasionally, I would pick it up and blow the dust off the black cloth case, but never open it, even though I longed to.

You see, two of my flatmates are professional musicians.  A flautist and a pianist.

Yesterday morning, when I got up, I put the black case on my bed, in full view.  In the afternoon, I sat watching streams of golden light peering through the dark, purple-grey skies, bathing the oak tree outside my window.  Its leaves have recently turned into quivering jewels of ochre tipped with sienna, terracotta, glowing like gold leaf stencils in the soft autumn sunlight.

I looked at the black rectangle on my bed.  It was time.

I pulled the velcro apart, spread open the flaps, and slid the three wooden sections out of their pockets.  I squirted a small amount of almond oil on a cloth, and gently rubbed all three sections with it.  Then I poured some on the long, round-edged brush and oiled the hollow centre.  The wood looked glossy, revived.  Then I opened the small jar of grease, scooped out a generous dollop with my finger, and applied it to the cork coating on the tenons.  I joined the three sections together in a slow, twisting motion, until they were snug.  I checked that the mouthpiece was aligned with the top holes in the middle section.  The third section, I turned slightly off centre, so that the pad of little finger of my right hand could land straight on the two bottom holes.

I inhaled the comforting scent of the wood.  Pear wood.  As always, the deeply-buried pagan part of me, perhaps handed down by my Cornish grandmother, thanked the anonymous tree that, however many years ago, had yielded a part of itself for unknown German craftsmen to carve this magnificent instrument.  I thanked them, too, for their skillful workmanship.

I spread my fingers, so the pads covered all the holes, then listened, holding my breath.  No sound from the house.  I hoped my flatmates were out.  No musical ear could have tolerated, unoffended, the unskilled sounds I was about to produce.  I raised the labium to my lips and blew a slow, shallow breath.  The note was split, wobbly and strident.  Funny how musical instruments tease and throw tantrums when they know they are not in expert hands.

I blew more firmly.  E, F, G… a discordant sound spoilt the sequence.  I had forgotten the alto recorder requires that quirky finger movement to produce the A.  Start again.  My scales sounded more like a late night pub song than the authoritative primary colours of music.  Once more.  And again.  Eventually, I managed a steady, smooth sequence, although my fingers were stiff through lack of exercise.  I paused to catch my breath.  My lungs, too, were out of practice.

I had to take the leap.  I took a deep breath, and appealed to what I had left of muscle memory, from months ago…

It was on the fifth of August

The weather fair and mild

Unto Brigg Fair I did repair

For a love I was inclined

In the absence of practice, the tips of middle and ring fingers of my right hand had gone back to crossing over each other, instead of landing straight over the holes.  A teenager’s sacrifice to her love of writing.  When I was fourteen, I broke my right hand.  The metacarpal bone snapped and slid apart, forming a painful dome on back of my hand.  At the hospital, they pulled my middle finger out hard (they probably thought anaesthetic was for wimps) and stretched it over a metal splint, before binding my hand in plastercast.  They told me not to use my hand for a month.  My teachers let me off all writing tasks.  I followed the doctor’s instructions to the letter.  Well, almost.  I could not bear not to be able to write my stories.  So, at night, I would unstick the tape that secured my middle finger to the metal support and, despite the pain, curled it around my fountain pen, and traced slow, hesitant letters on my notebook pages.  When I had finished – or the pain became to sharp – I secured my finger back onto the splint.  When, at the end of the month, they removed the plaster, they noticed that my fingers had become crooked.  They simply noted that down on my file, and let me go home.

I got up with the lark in the morning

And my heart was full of glee

Expecting there to meet my dear

Long time I’d wished to see

The soft notes filled my room, and seeped through my skin.  They reached deep into me, like a balm.  I felt as though my body was singing in tune with the recorder; as though every muscle, nerve and cell was at peace with itself and the world.

I looked over my left shoulder

To see what I might see

And there I spied my own true love

Come a-tripping down to me

I have always loved that song.  A folk song from Linconshire, but which always evokes my beloved East Anglia.  A song of flatlands where the horizon is at your feet, of Fens, and skies so low you can almost touch them.  A song of elm trees lining a river, and of academic spires reaching up high.

I took hold of her lily-white hand

And merrily sang my heart

For now we are together

We never more shall part

*   *   *

This evening, I knocked on the door of my musician neighbours.  I apologised in advance for any outrage to their ears.  “I really want to learn to play this properly,” I said.  “Do you mind if I practise a few minutes every day?”

They replied with beaming smiles.  They would not let me go back into my room until I had played something.  In for a penny, in for a pound.  They would hear me, sooner or later.  I might as well get over the embarrassment now.  So I played I verse of Brigg Fair.  They still encouraged me after that.  Their kindness inspired me even more.

Back in my room, I blew more confidently into the labium.

For the green leaves, they will wither

And the roots, they shall decay

Before that I prove false to her

The lass that loves me well

Scribe Doll

 

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No Post Today

Apologies.  With a bow worthy of the Royal Ballet.

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Befriending Lady E.

VIP transport was arranged for her relocation from Ukraine.  Her immediate members of staff had moved to London ahead of her to get everything ready.  The flat, in a quiet, tree-lined street, was furnished; the fridge was stocked with her favourite delicacies, and shelves filled with large jars of vitamins and minerals.  A glass and earthenware dinner set was purchased for her sole use.

The day before her flight, the PA – who is one of my clients – gave me the etiquette to follow if I were ever in the presence of Her Ladyship.  I was told that mostly, however, she would keep to her quarters, upstairs, engaged in meditation, carpet hockey (played with a small and fast ball), catching up on her beauty sleep after a night of heightened activity or – most probably – busy devising numerous diplomatic techniques of negotiation aimed at obtaining the most advantageous business transactions.  It was a skill, her staff assured me, at which she was second to none.  She always got what she wanted.

Moreover, I was warned never to address her directly, or approach her uninvited.  Should Her Ladyship wish to form an acquaintance with me, she would either come halfway down the stairs – at which point the protocol stipulated that I should walk up towards her – or she would take a seat in the centre of the room– a tacit invitation for me to approach just close enough to pay my respects.

Throughout my career as a language and communications solutions consultant, so far, I have had dealings with aristocracy, people from finance, and politicians, as well as stars from the world of entertainment.  This was the first time I was nervous.

It happened a couple of days after Lady E. took up residence in London.  I was working with my client, sitting with my back to the door, when my client’s facial expression changed, and she motioned to me with her eyes, that there was someone behind me.  Slowly, I turned around.  She was in the doorway, staring at me with an expression that suggested mild interest.  An imposing figure in a black fur coat – brown tips slightly tousled – and translucent amber eyes.

I stood up and greeted her.  She returned the compliment half-heartedly.  A tone of lassitude and the vague suggestion of a foreign accent.  She seemed content just to watch us from a distance, so I sat back down and resumed my work with my client, her PA.

A couple of minutes later, I suddenly felt something soft brush against my ankle.  I looked down and met the amber stare.  I remained as still as I could, whilst Lady E. examined the contents of my open handbag and rubbed the side of her face against my attaché case.  “That’s very unusual,” whispered my client.

Since, sadly, I speak no Ukrainian, I addressed Lady E. in Russian, and paid a few compliments on the elegance of her coat, the luminosity of her eyes, and the grace of her demeanour.  Then I proferred my hand.  She gave it a thorough olfactory examiniation.  I seems my scent met with her approval, because the next thing she did was to recline on my attaché case – which she had knocked on its side – expose her furry belly and, in case I were in any doubt as to her precise instructions, gave my hand a gentle tap with her paw.  That was my cue to stroke her head, scratch behind her ears, and give her belly a rub.  “Most unusual with a stranger, “ said my client.  “She is paying you a great honour.

A great honour I was keenly aware of.

Since that day, it has become customary for Eureka (we are now on first-name terms) to make an appearance during our training sessions, and exchange a few expressions of mutual affection.

Last week, I decided the time had come to take our relationship to the next level.  After scratching behind her ears, I picked her up, and placed her on my lap.  “She may hiss and jump off,” warned my client.

I heard no hissing.  What rumbled in my ears, as I buried my face in the glossy coat and kissed the top of her silky head, was a soft purr.

“I cannot believe it,” said my client.

And just to have a proof that neither of us was dreaming this moment, she reached out for her camera and took a picture of it.

Scribe Doll

20131002_151646Eureka 4

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No Post Today

Sorry – Scribe Doll is chasing her tail.

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Lunch with the Russians

“The whole N. family is coming for an impromptu lunch at three o’clock,” says my friend L.  “Why don’t you come, too?”

I know N.’s family.  An artistic painter father, a philosophical mathematician mother, and a  polyglot, poly-talented daughter who could reason Descartes out of his logic.  Russians.  I arrive shortly before three.  L. sweeps out of her kitchenette, built entirely in the vertical and designed for skinny, people over 7 ft.  White hair in disarray, wearing a flowy skirt and a blue-patterned kaftan, she gives me a warm, earthy hug and a kiss on the cheek.  “The Russians are late,” she says.  “Not sure when they’re coming – probably around four – and I’m still not ready.”

I take off my jacket, and offer to help.  We sit a few minutes at her dining table to catch up on news. I munch Polish gherkins and English cheddar, and sip Spanish red wine.  L.’s studio flat, brimming with books, music scores, paintings and colourful knick-knacks – all scattered in laissez-faire style, looks even more cluttered with dishes and bowls overflowing with food.  There is not a square inch of free surface.  Even the upright piano is covered in towers of reclining books, and objets d’art.  The whole place is a cacophony of colours, shapes and textures which, somehow, seem to concord in an atmosphere of joy and mentally stimulating discussions.

I try and clear the table, and the cloth which vibrates with poppies, daisies, bluebells and sunflowers.  “Pass me the plates,” I say, and get handed large, heavy plates with a colourful mock Chinese design of wisemen, willows and dragons.  “How old are these?” I ask.

“Oh, very old,” she says.

From what I know of L. I imagine they must have been in her family for at least three generations.  I arrange six place settings, then go to the cutlery box.  There I pick out knives and forks.  There are not two that match, but each is a carefully crafted individual.  The water glasses are also different colours and shapes.  I arrange the settings to suit the personality I attribute to each guest.  There is not enough room on the table for all the food L. has prepared, so I clear a space on the windowsill, to accommodate the large bread board.  I slice the spelt loaf and the sperlonga, try and arrange the slices somehow artistically but give up.  L.  hands me something that looks like a ceramic flower pot, and I throw all the bread into that.

The doorbell rings.  It is L.’s partner with the N.’s husband.  They are deep in conversation, and do not appear to have noticed that they have arrived.  “Where are the women?” asks L.

“I don’t know exactly, but they’re on their way,” replies N.’s husband.

The two men sit at the table, and continue their discussion.  L. and I exchange glances.  “Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee,” she says.

I watch them, from the kitchenette doorway.  Nothing can interrupt their animated exchange of ideas. It is like a chess board they can carry with them wherever they go, without disrupting the game.  N.’s husband, light brown hair tousled, narrows his eyes and purses his red, full lips, which makes his pasty face into an impression of freshly-kneeded bread dough.  Bare elbow on the table, he shakes a podgy fist to drive the point home.  L.’s partner listens, his round glasses low on his nose, pale eyes sharp.  His head is shaved.  He makes return comments in the rich Russian baritone of his actor-trained voice. A dark moustache curves around his lips, corners descending down to his jaw.  L. offers them a drink, in English, but they do not hear.  The Russian dialogue continues with unwavering intensity.  I listen, and soon realise it is punctuated with non sequiturs.  “It’s like a scene from Gogol,” says L.

“With some Beckett thrown in,” I add.

“Yes.  Definitely.”

Although L. and I both speak Russian, for some reason, our exchanges are in English.

“So where are the others?” L. asks again.

The artist picks up the ‘phone, and dials his wife’s number.  “They’re close.”

“Let’s start eating,” says the actor.  “They’ll be up in a minute.”

The logic, therefore, of waiting for them occurs to no one.  Large dollops of food are spooned onto the plates.  Flaxen mounds of steaming, buttered mashed potatoes; glossy emerald spinach and blood-red beetroot, drenched in olive oil and feta cheese cubes tainted in balsamic vinegar; glistening black olives.  L. lifts the lids from two earthenware stockpots.  First, the air is filled with purple aubergines, scarlet tomatoes, green courgettes and white garlic; then, rusty chicken, burgundy wine, and brown cardamom.

Within minutes, the doorbell rings again.  N. and her daughter arrive with apologies for the delay.  L. and I pile up food high on their plates, while hugging and kissing them at the same time.  N. sits next to me.  A small-framed, dark-haired woman in her middle years, dressed in quiet, elegant style.  She is full of ideas and projects.  Her daughter, opposite me, has her father’s alabaster skin and moon face, and her mother’s black-brown eyes, which sparkle with a love for theories and ideas.  I watch her, and think of the Russian beauties of my grandmother’s fairy tales.

The table is alive with voices.  L.’s soft Irish tone encourages umpteenth helpings of food, while N.’s daughter is telling her about her recent travels, in English.  The men start a new debate in Russian, with more non sequiturs.  N. and I discuss future projects, our sentences made up of Russian and English words – with the odd French je ne sais quoi.

Scribe Doll

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