A Translator’s Point of View…*

* Please see Part One of this story, last week,  A Bookshop for Free Thinkers

…. Last Thursday, 27th February 2014.

“Eat.  You need sustenance,” says Barbara, my publisher, as the tray with canapés comes towards us.  But I can’t eat a thing.  My stomach feels tight.  In fact, every part of me, including my lungs, feels constricted.

Frau Schwepcke, Barbara’s mother, offers me wine but I know it will go straight to my head, so I ask for a glass of tap water, and sip it whilst circulating around the bookshop, greeting people, thanking them for coming.  Most shelves and surfaces at bookHaus carry the small, cloth-bound, cherry-red book – the star of the evening, the reason for the party.  The launch of the translation into English of Italian writer Pino Cacucci’s Le balene lo sanno or, now, The Whales Know.  Inside, right beneath the author’s name, is my name.  Translated by Katherine Gregor.  The writer cannot be here tonight, so I have to present the book.

Two years almost to the day of the first book launch I attended at bookHaus, a launch for my book.

I feel someone take me by the hand.  I turn around.  Barbara smiles.  “You look like I’m taking you to your execution.”  I follow her through the crowd of people, up to the desk at the back of the room, my mind a blank except for the absolute certainty that I have nothing to say.  I suddenly hear my friend B.’s words in my head.  If all else fails, just burst into song and start tap dancing.  In a surreal moment, I try to think of a song.

Just over a year ago, I signed the contract with Haus Publishing to translate this book.  I spent several months trying to give Pino Cacucci an English voice.  Trying to be a servant of two masters – faithful to the writer’s intentions, faithful to the reader’s expectations.  Building a bridge from one language to another.  For several months, I lived and breathed the magic of Baja California, accompanying the author on his journey along this Mexican peninsula in the footsteps of John Steinbeck.  Months of visualising a land I have never seen, meeting its inhabitants so full of warmth and wisdom, listening to their stories of buried treasures and infamous privateers.  Months of discovering new horizons.  Getting to know the whales that come up close to the shore and allow humans to stroke them.  Whales who show off their calves, unafraid of humans, because they know that, in Baja California, they have nothing to fear, because they know more than we give them credit for.  Indeed, the whales know

I am too short to be seen from the back of the bookshop.  Barbara points to a wide, leather-padded stool and tells me to stand on it.  She calls for everyone’s attention, and introduces me.  I smile but am not listening to her.  I just keep glancing from the soft padded stool to my feet.  I am wearing high heels.  I have visions of sinking through the leather and crashing down on the desk, or onto the audience in the front.  I don’t know what to do.  Barbara hands over to me and I have to make a split-second decision.  So I slip off my shoes and stand up on the stool in my stockinged feet.  “When I was little, a paediatrician told my mother I’d grow up to be average height for a Nordic woman and tall for a Mediterranean.  Instead, I’ve turned out short.  If I ever get my hands on that paediatrician…”

I have said this too loud and a giggle spreads through the room.

I start speaking about Pino Cacucci – I could not have wished for a better, more accommodating author to translate.  Friendly, eager to help, willing to answer all the questions I had about the text and highly appreciative.

Then I read out three passages from the book, narrowed down from the twenty or so favourite passages I’d picked out in the morning.  I think I must look like a total idiot, standing barefoot in full view of members of the Mexican Embassy.

I stand down to take questions.  Words just shoot out of my mouth, bypassing my brain.  People laugh.  I guess that must be good.

After the questions, I turn to Barbara.  “Was that OK?”

She beams.  I imagine she must be pleased.

People ask me to sign copies of the book.  I feel a tiny bit of a fraud.  After all, I did not create the book but merely built a bridge to it.  As a highly-respected translator and former teacher of mine says, “I am only as good as the book I translate.  The better the book, the better my translation.”  And The Whales Know is a jewel of a book.  I feel immensely privileged to have facilitated access to it for English-language readers.  Still, I’ve never been asked to sign books before, so I produce my pearwood and chrome Faber-Castell fountain pen – might as well rise to the occasion with swirls of jet-black, glossy ink.

Two years, almost to the day, after the first party I ever attended at bookHaus, another party.  Another book launch.  If not my book, then one I have the honour of bringing to an English-language readership.  A book that has become a part of me, and I a part of it.

Scribe Doll

 

Posted in Odds & Ends | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

A Bookshop for Free Thinkers

It was advertised through Twitter as a book launch cum Charles Dickens’ birthday party, two years ago.  I decided it was the only way to spend a snowy February evening.  Trying to keep my balance on the icy Chelsea street, I reached the corner bookshop.  bookHaus, with a prominent red ‘H’ sign.  The windows were all steamed up.  I opened the door and a wave of body warmth, wine and conversation poured out.  The tiny bookshop was bursting at the seams with an eclectic crowd of people trying to balance their glasses and not spill wine on their neighbours’ coats.  The good humour was palpable.  That was the first of many bookHaus parties for me

photo 42I am not really a party person.  I am shy and find small talk exhausting.  The thing is, it’s never small talk at bookHaus.  History, geography, philosophy, literature and films are discussed in assorted languages by individuals from different countries and backgrounds, while the wine flows and exquisite nibbles are passed around.  Making conversation is never difficult at a bookHaus book launch party, where those present seem fascinated by what you have to say.

Barbara Schwepcke – the owner of Haus Publishing – towers over the guests, hugging and smiling, dimples in her cheeks, genuinely excited to see so many people.  Her voice is deep, with a trace of German.  There’s no mistaking it:  Barbara is passionate about books, languages, words and ideas, and positively glows when surrounded by them.

Her mother, whom I always address as Frau Schwepcke, floats among the guests, making photo 43sure glasses are kept filled and everyone is content.  A tall, distinguished lady with a self-possessed, quiet manner and blue eyes that see through you.  You can easily imagine her, a few decades ago, giving the other undergraduates at Heidelberg an intellectual run for their money.

Harry, Barbara’s associate publisher, stands in a corner, peering through his glasses, holding his wine with both hands.  As I walk up to say hello, his courteous expression is a blend of “lovely to see you” and “oh, no, what is she going to spring on me now?”

Ellie, the editor, edges her way through the crowd, carrying a tray of canapés, describing the composition of every morsel.  Her eye is keen, her speech precise and her words accurate.

By the window, Edoardo, the sales executive, holds court.  His tone is earnest.  His face reminds you of the Florentine paintings of the 1500s and when he speaks his native Italian, he turns his ‘c’s into ‘h’s, in authentic Tuscan fashion.

When Dr Barbara Schwepcke acquired this Belgravia corner building for the offices of Haus Publishing, she had not thought of opening a bookshop.  However, the leasehold stipulated that the ground floor should contain premises open to the public.  And so, in 2008, bookHaus was born.  At first, it was an outlet for books published by Haus but, in time, volumes by other publishing houses found their way onto the shelves that line the walls.  Many are translations from other languages.  Although the range of Haus-published works remains as varied as ever, bookHaus has recently become a travel bookshop.

photo 21

Eighteen months ago, Barbara gave me my first “proper” break as a literary translator.  Over an espresso from the stylish coffee machine in the corner, by the large, soft armchair, she provided advice, e-mail addresses and encouragement.  Then she took a punt on me, and gave me a book to translate.  Le balene lo sanno, by Italian writer Pino Cacucci.  A jewel of a book by a man who truly sees and lives the lands he visits.  A travel log about Baja California, where the author travelled in the footsteps of John Steinbeck.  My first real translation, published by a real publisher, as a real book.  Eighteen months on, under the title The Whales Know, it’s a real, cherry-red, cloth-bound book, with my name printed beneath that of the author.  “Translated by Katherine Gregor”.

I still can’t quite believe it.

Wow.

photo 11

Scribe Doll

Posted in Odds & Ends | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Picking Up The Pen Again

Just start.  Take that first – hard – step.

“I haven’t written since before Christmas,” I say to H.  “If we stay at home, I’ll just keep working.  I really want to write something – anything – today.  Besides, we both need fresh air and some good coffee.”

So we stroll up the hill to the Village, past daffodil and crocus buds, to the little French pâtisserie where I spent so many Sundays over the summer and autumn, scribbling away while people-watching.

I open the A4 spiral notebook at a white page full of possibilities and take a deep breath.  That’s not enough.  I take a gulp of cappuccino.  The coffee glides down my throat and injects some clarity into my fogged-up brain.  Across the table from me, H. is engrossed in a large, hard-bound volume about Gabriele D’Annunzio.  Without taking his eyes off the book, he reaches for his latte and takes a sip.  I know I’ve dragged him away from his work, so we can’t go home until I have written something – anything.

One… Two… I pick up my Faber Castell and slowly unscrew the chrome cap.  The pearwood barrel feels smooth in my fingers.  I haven’t used my fountain pen for nearly two months.  Well, I haven’t used it for anything important, that is – for anything creative.

I get a pang of anxiety as I hold the pen suspended above the page.  I don’t know what to write.  I suddenly think I can’t write.  Was there ever a time when I could? I make a conscious effort to lower my hand, and the nib lands on the paper.  An instant of thrill and anticipation.  Like the moment when a sapphire needle lands on a spinning glossy black record and you wait for the music to begin.  Two months of not writing.  Weeks of trying to breathe whilst caught up in a whirlwind of work deadlines, teaching, translating, home-hunting, life changes, etc.

Swirls of shiny black ink start waving along the faint lines, slowly gaining momentum.  I am suddenly a cauldron bubbling with emotions.  Excitement, fear, longing, passion, joy and the overwhelming realisation of just how much I have missed writing.

My thoughts are shapeless forms floating, whizzing and sagging inside my head.  They need a pen to sort them and give them a clear identity and purpose.  My feelings are like a garden overgrown with weeds.  They, too, need a pen to groom them into a sharper definition.  I am an overworked bundle of uncontrolled emotions.  I need to be written down, so that I can read myself and so see myself clearly.  I can’t see because everything is inside me.  So I slowly let it all pour out of me through the tip of the nib, and watch myself take shape in the glossy ink loops and curls that run across the white page where I begin to see myself.

I look up and meet H.’s eyes, full of gently amused kindness.  He’s been watching me for a while.  “Your face…” He looks for the right words, although I already know what he’s going to say.

“Is my face giving a theatrical performance?” I ask.

“Yes,” he says, smiling.  “All those contrasting expressions.”

 Scribe Doll

Posted in Odds & Ends | Tagged , , , | 19 Comments

No Post Today (Again!)

Not being lazy – I promise.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

No Post Today

Scribe Dolls begs your patience.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

No Post Today

Apologies.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

No Post Today

Scribe Doll is working hard.  She is buried under bilingual dictionaries, monolingual dictionaries, Roget’s Thesaurus, typing furiously with two fingers, and munching on Yorkshire Wensleydale with apricots.  She is casting regular glances at the bottle of Jameson’s next to her CDs.

Thank you for all your kind comments and support over the past year.

May I wish you all a happy, successful, creative and dreams-coming-true 2014!

Scribe Doll

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Winter and the Art of Waiting – and Trusting

One of my recurring nightmares is missing Christmas.  When I am under intense stress and feel like I am losing control of my life, I start dreaming that, somehow or other, I’ve overslept, miscalculated the dates, forgot to look at the calendar, or simply got stuck at work, and Christmas has passed me by.  And I get very upset.  I love Christmas.  For about two weeks of the year.  This year, however, I am resenting the seasonal bullying which kicked in minutes after Hallowe’en.  I find myself cowering under its aggressiveness and wishing I could hide in a dark corner where I could fall asleep until Twelfth Night.

It’s four o’clock and, having worked on my translations since about six, I feel the justification – and the necessity – to get some air.   Also, there is something I want to buy.

It’s time.

The first shop I enter tells me they’ve sold out.  I have more luck in the hardware store down the street.  I buy a box of twenty.  I want coloured ones, this year.  For the past twelve Christmases, I have used white ones.  I want coloured ones, because I want to trust in their brilliant hues against the dark green leaves.

In every shop, there are representations of Santa Claus.  An old man with flushed cheeks, paunch, bright red costume and vacant eyes, and who seems capable of uttering only the monosyllabic “Ho! Ho! Ho!” My heart sinks.

Keep that Santa Claus.

Instead, give me a Father Frost – a Sir Christèmas – with a knowing face, and a cloak like the earth – green and brown and gold, glistening with icicles and embroidered with frost patterns.  A shapeshifter with hazel eyes and the arcane knowledge of Merlin, who knows words to move the elements, spells and incantations; who’s as old and wise as the earth.  A winter Green Man whose silver hair will grow dark again, and pale skin will catch the sun,  on the morning of the Spring Equinox.

I pull the box of Christmas CDs from under the bed.  Bing Crosby and the rest of the Fellowship of Crooners.  No.  I cannot abide the saccharine this year.  I take out a recording of Mediaeval carols, conducted by Andrew Parrott.  Songs full of mystery, hope and awe.  I pull my purchase out of its box, and disentangle the long, twisted green wire.  I cannot face taking out my miniature Christmas tree, this year.  Instead, I arrange the string of fairy lights over the fine branches of my droopy ficus plant.  It belonged to a Bahamian friend I knew in Cambridge, thirty years ago.  She gave me the ficus plant when she moved back to the Bahamas and so, for the past three decades, it has travelled with me from Cambridge to London, from flat to flat.  I plug in the lights and a constellation of blues, greens, reds, yellows and pinks – like a comet’s tail – trickles down the dark green foliage.  I want to trust in their brilliant, joyful hues and the promise they make me.

Trust.  Christmas is about trust.  Trust that magic exists.  Trust that goodwill and love truly exist.  Trust that words will be kept and intentions carried out.  Trust that all will be well.  After all, isn’t Winter all about trust?  Trust that beneath the frozen, hard earth bright green shoots are sprouting, even though we will not see them for months, yet.  Trust that the cold and bleakness will eventually give way to sunshine and blossoms.  Trust that, next year, things will be better.  Trust, though at times, you feel you have little evidence to fuel your hopes.  And trust is about waiting.  Waiting patiently.

The branches of the oak tree outside my window are bare.  I strain to remember the luxuriating glossy green foliage that dressed it not three months ago.  I strain to imagine tiny green buds sprouting on it once more.  But I must wait and trust.  Wait for the tree to be ready and trust that it will be.

I pour a few drops of pine needle and rosemary essential oil into the pottery burner, and put peel of an orange on the radiator.  Their scents mingle and fill the room with Yuletide.  It’s evening, and I light the red Advent candle on my table.  I sit in the armchair by the window.  Up in the sky, the Moon has a soft glow and a deeply sympathetic expression.  Her beams are washing over the dark branches of my oak tree.  I understand, she seems to whisper, trusting is hard, but do trust – all will be well.  I catch a glimpse of something at the foot of the oak.  I look down and meet the amber gaze of a fox.  His eyes catch the headlights of a passing car.  He shudders, cowers, but then straightens up and looks up at my window again.  The Moon is speaking the truth, he seems to say.  He looks peeved with my doubts.  Trust, his eyes command.  In their glint, I see something ancient and arcane.  Suddenly, the fox is a fox no more, but a tall figure standing against the trunk of the oak.  I blink and it’s vanished.  Once again, the fox is staring up at me and his eyes are merry and wise.  I stare back.  For a fraction of a second, I thought he’d turned into a tall man with a knowing face and a cloak like the earth – green and brown and gold, glistening with icicles and embroidered with frost patterns.

I will trust,  I reply.  I do trust.

Scribe Doll

Posted in Odds & Ends | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Chatting to Peter O’Toole in Kit Marlowe’s Theatre

We happened to find ourselves in the same corner of the room, looking at a print on the wall, sipping our drinks.  We gave each other a polite nod.  I was trying not to look too starstruck.  Ordinarily, I am quite blasé about being in the presence of famous actors.  But this wasn’t someone ordinary – this was Peter O’Toole.  

The first screen man I had a crush on when at the age of eleven, I saw Lawrence of Arabia.  I am sure those innocent but deeply intelligent blue eyes contributed to my fascination with T.E. Lawrence.  For months, I combed the local library for any book I could find about this man I saw as an unconventional, idealistic, free-thinker.  My favourite scene in the film remains the one where Lawrence, with a theatrical gesture, extinguishes a match between his thumb and index finger, without wincing.  One of the other soldiers, William Potter, tries it and burns himself.  “It damn well hurts!” he says.

“Certainly, it hurts,” replies Lawrence with nonchalance.

“Well, what’s the trick, then?”

“The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.”

It was a launch party at the Rose Theatre, Bankside, on a cold February night, about ten years ago.  And so there I was, standing next to Peter O’Toole.

I cannot remember which one of us started the conversation.  I think he made a comment about the print on the wall – a plan of the Rose Theatre*.  Before long, we were discussing the symbolism of the rose throughout the centuries.  We talked about Dante and his rose-shaped Paradiso.  The rose as purity, as perfection, as essence, as beauty.  In poetry, history, art and mysticism.  His eyes shone as he spoke.  He told me about a special rose he grew in his garden in Ireland.  Eyes full of passion for knowledge, and impatient intelligence.

He asked what I did for a living.  At the time, I was combining my thespian pursuits with my work as a complementary medicine practitioner.  “You’re like Schiller,” he said.

“Well, he was a doctor,” I said.  “I practise alternative medicine.”

I said I thought theatre was one of the most honest professions in the world.  Peter O’Toole  gave a cynical snort.  “Honest?”

Yes.  Honest.  Theatre people are not in it for the money – not with the pittance we earn – but for the sheer, incurable love of it.  Theatre people don’t promise to cure, build, manage or rule – or even change your life in any way.  They just offer you a good night out, and a performance they weave their hearts and souls into.  What could be more honest?

He heard me out.  “What’s you name?” he asked, his eyes apparently trying to establish whether I was interesting or mad.

He suggested going to look at the actual archeological digs of the Rose.  I was about to follow him when I noticed a small crowd forming behind me.  “There’s all these people waiting to talk to you,” I said.

He did’t seem to hear me or, if he did, he chose not to acknowledge my words.  He just said, with a hint of irritation, “Are you coming?”

And who am I to refuse if Peter O’Toole offers to show me around Christopher Marlowe’s old theatre? So I followed him down the wooden steps, into the damp archeological digs, sections partitioned with orange lights.  “That’s where the groundlings would have stood.  And that’s where…”

I was transfixed.  I knew it was a moment to remember.

When we returned to the main foyer, I said goodbye to him.  “What’s your name?” he asked again.  I wonder whether he had decided between the interesting and the mad, by then.

A few years later, when I became a theatrical agent, I staged a performance at the Rose Theatre with my clients.  Peter O’Toole was the first person I invited.  Sadly, I did not hear back  from his agent.

A couple of hours ago, when the news of Peter O’Toole’s passing away flashed on my computer screen, I burst into tears.  He was a great actor.  He was also brilliant to talk to on a winter’s evening, in Kit Marlowe’s old theatre.

*Please see also A Poesy Ringful of Stories.

 Scribe Doll

 

 

 

Posted in Odds & Ends | Tagged , , , , , | 16 Comments

“I feel guilty, it’s all my fault, I’m a bad person” – a Cop-Out?*

I’ve been thinking about the guilt emotion.  Wondering if guilt can sometimes provide a secure – albeit uncomfortable – hiding place.  Guilt gnaws at our insides.  It pinches so hard at the bottom of our lungs, that we cannot take a full breath.  It tastes like tar.

But, in a strange kind of way, it is self-inflicted punishment and so, by definition, under our control.  Please don’t punish me – I’m already punishing myself.  And at least I know the limits of my discomfort zone.

“I feel guilty.”

Response: “Oh, you mustn’t.”

Result: Twofold

1. You think feeling guilty makes you a better person and exonerates you from the wrong you have done or are doing.

2. The other person’s response helps validate you as a good person, thereby providing a kind of forgiveness.

“It’s all my fault.”

I would believe “It’s my fault” but “It’s all my fault” rings the alarm bell of doubt in my head.  Considering that, by the law of averages something is seldom 100% just one person’s fault, vocally assuming a disproportionately large portion of responsibility inevitably makes me wonder why you would make yourself out to be worse than you actually are.  Is it (unconsciously) to make yourself look like a good person… better than you actually are?

“I’m a bad person”

Cue for me to say, “Of course, you’re not!”  Instead, what I sometimes want to say is, “So are you saying it’s in your nature to be ‘bad‘ and therefore you feel let off the hook from trying to improve?”

Here’s news for you.

Guilt is not the equivalent of soap and water – but of a mirror.  Guilt is not a hiding place to wallow in – but a call to action.  At least the person who does not feel guilty is possibly unaware of doing wrong.  What’s your excuse?

Just wondering… Could be guilty of ignorance on this one.

Oh, and yes, I am guilty of all that, too.  How else would I recognise it in others?

* Usual exceptions apply.

 Scribe Doll

Posted in Pet Hates | Tagged , , , | 15 Comments